Healing Hearts
by Bobbie23
Summary: A late night conversation during a family vacation
**Author Note – this isn't a continuation to** _ **Healing Wounds**_ **but it's set with that as a backstory. Save for a small reference at the end, you don't need to read that to understand this and vice versa (I hope that makes sense, I was struggling with how to explain it). Please enjoy and let me know what you think by either leaving a review or sending me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment.**

Healing Hearts

A baby's cries wake her in the middle of the night. Rising up she looks to the travel cot at the end of the bed only to find Noah sprawled across the mattress. The cries continue but she hears the soft footsteps pass her room and then the creak of the door at the end of the hall. Murmurs of reassurance drift through the thin walls and cracked doors. She listens for a moment as the baby settles. She waits for the baby's comforter to leave her but they don't. On impulse she swings her legs over the side of the bed and slips on the sweater she discarded earlier.

Grabbing her baby monitor, Olivia tiptoes out of the door. She looks down the landing to the open door at the end of the hall. A shadow passes the the door, pacing patiently. Downstairs, the television is muted but on and provides light for the otherwise dark house. She pads along the carpeted floor and peaks through the door to see her former partner holding his six-month old granddaughter, rubbing her back as she mewls quietly. With her parents away for the night to celebrate their anniversary, the responsibility of calming her falls to her grandfather.

Not wanting to disturb the baby Olivia leans against the door jamb and says nothing. Elliot acknowledges her by half turning in her direction and smiles before turning back to pace the child in his arms, hoping the motion will return her to sleep. She marvels at the opportunity to see him like this. It's not like she hasn't seen him with his children before but those occasions were loud and full of emotion, good and bad. They were never serene like this. It's a side she's never been privy to but always intrigued her. Seeing it first-hand only proves everything she already knew. His children, and now his grandchildren, calm him. His actions are instinctual and guided by what they need from him. Of course, Elliot doesn't have the same confidence in himself as they and Olivia do. She's seen him doubt himself as a father, beat himself up every time he missed a parent-teacher conference, every sport event or play, every time his kids chose not to turn to him for advice. None of them hold it against him, not that she can see anyway. Elliot, however, still holds it against himself and often overcompensates with Eli and his grandchildren for everything he missed with his older children.

She could sympathise but never really understood his guilt until Noah came into her life and she had to choose between him and the job. She feels guilty whenever she leaves her son for work, especially when she misses his milestones. No matter how much time Elliot spends with them or their relationship, Olivia is his only parent and it's her responsibility to be there for him. The day where she has to decide between Noah and her job is looming and she only hopes she can make that decision herself rather than being forced into it.

Olivia glances to the other side of the room to see Oliver undisturbed by his baby sister. She smiles at his unruly blonde locks falling across the side of his face and the pillow, a complete contrast to a few hours ago when he and Noah protested vehemently at the mere mention of sleep, culminating with them hiding under the dining table when Elliot got their pyjamas. Eventually they fell asleep in their make shift fortress.

Olivia turns back to Elliot when he moves to the cot. He places a kiss on the baby's head and lowers her into the cot before offering the pacifier to her. She accepts it sleepily and the sounds of her suckling fills the room. Elliot watches her as she settles. When the little girl doesn't fuss or reach for him he moves away to face Olivia.

A slow, self-conscious smile grows on his face as they have a silent standoff. She smiles back.

"You're good at that," Olivia offers with a nod in the baby's direction.

"Lots of practice," Elliot replies. "Did she wake Noah?"

"No, he slept through like Oliver." She folds her arms across her chest and tucks the baby monitor into the crook of her arm.

"Let's not hedge our bets and go downstairs," he says looking at his grandson fondly. Without waiting for her answer he walks towards her and she backs out of the room.

They tread lightly down the stairs, stopping at the bottom when they notice the cartoons on the television and Dickie sleeping on the sofa, his bed for the week. The former partners share a look and Elliot rolls his eyes and taps his shoulder. He smirks when Dickie shoots up and shakes his sleep addled head.

"Wha?"

"Listen out for the kids," Elliot says when Dickie's blurry eyes focus on him. Dickie relaxes and nods sleepily, mumbles an affirmative before he drops back onto the sofa. Olivia smothers her smirk as Elliot rolls his eyes again. But it's for naught when the young man emits a loud snore and a snicker escapes her. Elliot cracks a smile as he shakes his head.

"We have the monitor," Olivia consoles as she reaches out to touch his hand, her fingertips brush the back of his hands. Her fingers don't linger; they fall away as she steps backwards towards the kitchen area and he follows. Their eyes blink when he flips the light switch and the tube on the ceiling flickers to life. She takes a seat at the breakfast bar as he goes to one of the cupboards to pull a couple of cups from it. Elliot goes to fill the kettle but changes his mind and pulls the milk carton from the fridge and a saucepan from another cupboard.

Elliot measures out the cocoa powder into the mugs while the milk heats. No words are spoken as he takes an open packet of marshmallows from the cupboard drops them on the counter in front of her. She takes the opportunity to watch him prepare the drinks, the methodical way he works calming her. Over the last year she's discovered he can cook and enjoys being in the kitchen when he has time. In fact, he's prepared most of the meals while they've been at his late mother's home for the last three days.

She looks over his preferred rumpled sleep attire, an old tee and sweats. She won't admit it out loud but she's regretting her decision to have separate bedrooms on this trip. She missed falling asleep with him; his warmth and his arm slung loosely over her waist.

"They think we're going to break up," Elliot says as he places a steaming cup of cocoa in front of her.

Her eyes snap up from her cup. "Huh?"

"Both Lizzie and Maureen asked if we're okay," he meets her eyes. "Are we?"

She stares back at him, her guilt taking over. She never meant to make him doubt their relationship. They weren't perfect, not by any means, but they were committed to trying to make it work. Their relationship didn't fall into place by sleeping together. Time 'alone' was rare and often preceded by Noah's bedtime or spending time with his kids. Not that she minded, she loved them all. It was easier for her to welcome them back into her life than their father. At first Olivia had been self-conscious. It had been so long since she had spoken to any of them, she had no idea what assumptions they would make. But aside from a few questions, they took it in their stride and didn't interfere. "Because we're in separate rooms?"

He bobs his head. "I know you don't want them to think you're imposing. They don't."

"I know." She did know that. They all made her and Noah feel included without letting it seem like they were going out of their way to do so. "Noah and I love it here."

"I know that too." He looks over at Dickie to double check he was still asleep.

"I miss sharing a bed with you," Olivia admits giving him a warm bashful look, it was the only way she could tell him they were fine, her decision hadn't been about them. It was her first vacation with Noah, his first time outside of the city. "I didn't want Noah be alone in an unfamiliar room."

Elliot nods understandingly, as much experience he has being a parent he can still remember the insecurities and worries of being a new parent. And he learnt quickly to refrain from imparting his experienced wisdom unless she asked for it. He holds her gaze for a moment before reaching out to take the monitor from her. "But we have the monitor," he muses.

He curls his free hand around hers and walks around the breakfast bar and tugs her hand to draw her off the stool, abandoning the cocoa. She follows as he leads her outside to the patio, closing the door behind them. He stops in front of the double hammock, his only addition to the house since he inherited it. She tilts her head at him in silent askance. He only replies with an encouraging nod towards the taut fabric. Stepping forward Olivia climbs onto the hammock gingerly, trying to move over as far as she can to give him room without falling off the other side. Her fingers curl around the hammock, holding on tightly as Elliot climbs on with practiced movements and much more grace than she was able to muster, barely disturbing the balance. Elliot lies flat and this time the fabric forces her to do the same. Her body moulds into his, her cheek to his chest, his heart beat strong and steady in her ear, the soft sounds of the waves in the other. He strokes up and down her arm gently. The monitor rests between him and the edge.

It had been a hot day, keeping the occupants of the house under cover and cranky for most of it. Then day morphed to night and the temperature drop was aided by a comforting breeze drifting over the ocean.

"I'm surprised you kept this place," she says.

"I was surprised too, only did because the kids wanted me too," Elliot grumbles.

Olivia hears the lie in his voice. Even with the limited contact and strained relationship he and his mother had, he still loved her. She's seen it since they've been here, internalising and growing quiet at times. He puts on a front for the kids but when the youngest are in bed and the older ones go off to do their own thing he lets it drop. He hasn't spoken about it, she doesn't expect him to, she's just grateful he lets her see it. His mouth rests on her forehead, his lips pucker quickly before withdrawing.

"It felt like she was running away from me," he says.

"So you let her." It may sound harsh, it's not. She knows the urge he gave into, she fought it for years.

"We just lost my Dad," he elaborates with a croak in the back of his throat. If it were anyone else she would tilt her head to see if he was okay but she knows he would stop. He gives a little cough to clear his throat then continues. "I figured she spent so long trying to get away from us, it would be better if she was." A beat. A sigh.

"She told me a few things when we met," Olivia says to his chest, her words muffled by his shirt but he hears her. His arms flex and relax. He doesn't do or say anything else. The words don't feel like a betrayal as they slip from her mouth. "She told me about the car crash."

"I remember her getting hysterical in the hospital. Shrieking at the doctors it wasn't her fault, that she wanted me to see how pretty the city was in the snow. I couldn't have cared less about the snow," he scoffs before lowering his voice. "I never wanted her to scare them like that."

"It wasn't intentional." Olivia truly believes that, Bernie would never have harmed Elliot on purpose. He wasn't the source of her distress.

"I guess I wanted her to love us enough to get help."

Olivia had wanted the same thing when she was a teenager but 'help' in those days was rarely voluntary and often without sympathy and usually did more damage than good. She felt for Bernie and what she went through while she was committed.

"She loved you Elliot, she had a different way of showing it but she loved you. Don't forget that."

"Promise you'll do the same?" Her hand fists his shirt and taps it a few times as she nods her head. Of course he would understand the comparisons going through her head.

"How did she deal with it?" She's curious because while her mother had various attempts of rehab and attended AA sporadically, Bernie had been against treatment after her enforced hospitalisation.

Elliot sighs again and it's no less painful than last time. "Being here helped," he admits painfully. "There were still times when…" he trails off and clears his throat again. "She was better here, I never saw it till it was too late."

"You never visited her?"

"Not if I could help it," Elliot replies.

They're silent for a long time and listen to the sound of the waves meeting the shore line. His hand rubs her arm through the sweater. On impulse Olivia tilts her chin to look at him to find him gazing at her. Elliot lifts the hand from her and his knuckles stroke her jaw. He doesn't say anything else, he doesn't have to.

"Why did you keep this house Elliot?"

"Because I hoped it would do for me what it did for her."

"Has it?"

"Not just the house," he admits quietly. "Do you like it here?"

"We're not having separate bedrooms next time," she says with a small smile.

Elliot laughs gently and squeezes her closer. He leans down and she meets him half way as their lips meet with a soft kiss. They pull back, about to kiss again when the patio door slides open and Dickie walks out with the baby in his arms. She's wide awake and kicks her legs excitedly when she sees her grandfather.

"Hope I'm not interrupting but Ella wants to play and the rest of us want to sleep," Dickie groans as the baby grabs his nose and giggles.

"Give her here," Elliot says as he and Olivia sit up to receive the baby. She's all smiles as she rests on her namesakes' chest. Without another word Dickie returns to the house. "Kathleen wants them to know about my mom because it could pass onto them."

Olivia covers his hand on the baby's back. "I know you struggled to accept the same thing happening to Kathleen but you made up for it. You supported her. When you were in the hospital she told me about how you helped her when she pregnant with Oliver, she wouldn't have gotten through it without you."

"Mom would've loved them."

"Then let them know her."


End file.
